Carolyn H. shares about her experience with the Bariatric Treatment Centers program. She had her surgery in January, 1995 and wrote this letter in September, 1995.

When I first heard of the Bariatric Treatment Centers (BTC), I was skeptical, to say the very least. I had been through all the regular channels for weight reduction including: Weight Watchers, Diet Workshop, over-the-counter diet drugs, Overeaters Anonymous, wraps, massages, juices, no eating diets, no carbohydrate diets, no fat diets, no anything diets; and even had a gastric balloon. Nothing seemed to work well to shed all of my undesired pounds. I would lose the weight only to regain it again and again. The real test of any weight control program is time. None had been successful for me but ... well, surgery, sounded pretty drastic to me. I was a desperately unhappy person and for me it was a no-lose situation. I truly believe a large part of me (no pun intended) had given up all hope.

I called Bariatric Treatment Centers having little hope, but wanting to satisfy my curiosity more than anything. I was greeted by a delightful gentleman who was persuasive and not condescending. After he spent quite some time providing encouragement and outlining the positives, I decided to travel the 6 hour distance to Michigan and listen to what the doctor had to say. After listening to him, I began to hear hoping pangs -- I say pangs because I had felt this way before and it hurts so badly when the heartfelt desires are not fulfilled. It's like hunger pangs -- they are relentless.

After considerable time and effort to obtain insurance approval (not the easiest thing to accomplish), I was scheduled for surgery on October 3, 1994.

I left Ohio for Michigan with all kinds of trepidation, fears, a little hope and, dare I say, dreams. But alas, these were not to be fulfilled. When in recovery, I was told that the surgery had not been performed due to complications. Growths were found on my liver and naturally my doctor could not proceed with the operation. It was a potentially life-threatening risk he was not willing to take (what a smart guy!). As disappointed as I was, he had done the right thing. As things turned out though, these growths were benign (Thank you, God!).

The hardest part came now. Could I gear up and go through it again? Could I face another possible disappointment? I think the decision to undergo another major procedure was the most difficult decision I faced. I had two children at home, and if God didn't want me to do this, was my past experience his way of telling me not to proceed? Talk about a confused woman! I didn't know what to do. But with the counsel of my doctor and medical staff, I decided that the positive benefits far outnumbered the negatives. Therefore, I would give it another try. That brings me to the focus of this story...

I am living proof that God is good, life is good, and my doctor is good! I am 110 pounds lighter in just 7 months and the changes in all areas of my life are endless. Since the procedure, every day and every pound bring new adventures. It's all these "little" successes that make all the difference in my life. I have listed a few "little things" below, a food for thought and they're not even fattening! This is intended to serve as a tribute to the program and all the staff at Addison Community Hospital. These are very small things in the scope of the world, but in my life, they make the difference between existing and living:

I now get my teeth cleaned and schedule regular follow-up appointments because I now smile!

I can now cross my legs without using my hands to lift and cross them. I just put one leg over the other. They don't slide off because they're so heavy.

I can wear shoes with low heels on them.

I no longer hide food for fear that people will say, "What's SHE doing eating."

I run my own errands at work for multiple reasons: 1) it's exercise 2) I like getting out and seeing people, and 3) I love the way people marvel over how much weight I have lost.

I will let people take my picture - I even pose and smile for it.

I can now cross my arms without balancing them on my stomach.

I can now sit in a folding chair without fearing that I won't fit in the seat.

I can balance a book or package or whatever on my lap. I now have a lap.

I can now fit through the turnstile without almost getting stuck.

I can look in the mirror without cringing.

I can look in people's eyes and not see disgust and feel shame.

I can actually see men look at me and am accepting of their smile and greeting.

I actually rode rides at an amusement park with my children for the first time in their lives. It s a thrill for us all!

I can wear blouses tucked in, and I can button my jacket coats.

I can ride in the car without the steering wheel pressing against my stomach.

These are just a few of the differences I've detected, many of which you are already familiar with, but you know what I'm talking about. You've been there!

My children are pleased to have a happy mom, and I am happy to look in the mirror once again. I have a way to go to meet my personal goals, but a 50-pound weight loss sounds small compared to a total of 170 pounds. With the help of God and my doctor I enjoy living my life instead of just existing. There are no words to express the joy I feel. Every time I try to express my feelings I cry tears of success and jubilation.

Most nonfat people have no idea the magnitude of "little things." For most obese people, life siphons down into mere existence rather than an opportunity for exciting adventure. Mere existence is centered around hoping to get through each day without too much emotional pain, suffering at the hands of the many unkind people, minimal medical complications and not having to look in the mirror. People tell me I'm different now, but I don't think I'm different. It's just that the real person I am was hidden under the layers of fat. No one could look and see the real me. I was disguised with a mass of fat, and I portrayed a very, very unhappy woman. A dear friend gently pointed out to me, though, that I was unable to let anyone past the gates of my hurt and despair -- just what I needed, another enemy: me. I'm not sure which perception is entirely accurate, but it has spurred me to examine my own thoughts more carefully.

My hope and life have returned. Now it's up to me what I do with this renewed life. Every time I see a morbidly obese person, I want to run up to him/her and tell them that there is hope and give them my doctor's name. My ideal job would be to do sensitivity training on the subject of obesity. No one knows how it feels unless they have been there. It is my sincere prayer that I never forget what it felt like to be morbidly obese, nor that I forget how my new life came into being. AMEN.

Carolyn

Surgery, Bariatric Treatment Centers, January 1, 1995

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